Aaron Campbell
This blog explores the difficulties that many of us face during the festive season and the steps we can take to help protect our mental health during this time. If you need additional support you can find more here:
Get help
The most wonderful time of the year?
As the song goes, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” but this year, more than ever before, I have found myself questioning if that truly is the case.
Many people understandably love the holiday season. Watch any advert on TV right now and it’ll tell you this time of year is all about spending time with loved ones, overindulging in food and drink and so much more. It'll tell you there is a lot to love about this time of the year. While that can be true, the fact is for many of us, this isn’t the most wonderful time of the year, it can be filled with stress, anxiety, sadness and more.
This blog will explore some of the most common challenges that we face at this time of year and how we can protect our mental health over the holiday season.
I wish it could be Christmas every day?
For many of us, this year has been particularly rough. I myself have experienced several setbacks including loss, redundancy and friendship fallouts to name just a few. I often joke that the term ’unprecedented times’ has become the precedent at this point. But with everything that is been happening in the world and in our own lives it is understandable that many of us may not feel in the “Christmas spirit” this year and that is okay.
I certainly have found myself overwhelmed at many points throughout the year by everything that is going on. This has resulted in Christmas being the last thing on my mind despite it almost being the middle of December at the time of writing this. I have had to remind myself that it’s okay that this is the case, for many of us dealing with overwhelm it can feel all-consuming on our attention and energy. See our article about recognising the signs of overwhelm and tips to help manage it.
All I want for Christmas
My whole life I’ve celebrated Christmas, it’s usually my favourite time of the year, but it’s important to remember that this time of year isn’t just Christmas, there are other significant holidays celebrated at this time including Hannukah and Kwanza.
Many people do not celebrate Christmas, some because they choose not to and some because they celebrate another religious holiday. For those who don’t celebrate Christmas, the expectation to celebrate may feel “forced”, from the decorations to the non-stop music and Christmas themed adverts that are everywhere. While some people are not bothered by this, it is understandable why others may feel overwhelmed by all of this. Even for those like me who do celebrate Christmas, when you’re not particularly in the festive spirit that constant exposure can feel like a bit much.
Furthermore, for me and many others who recognise Christmas as a religious holiday, the focus on consumerism at this time of year can be an unwelcome distraction from a more meaningful time of year. It may sound cliché, but it can feel like the true meaning of Christmas has been lost behind all the lights and decorations.
Spending money and buying presents isn’t the only way to show we care. Spending time together, listening and taking a real interest in others, volunteering in the community, are all ways of finding meaning and joy at this time of year that don’t cost anything.
I'll be home for Christmas
For some of us, the holiday season can bring about complex emotions regarding family and home. Many of us do not get to spend the holidays with our family for several reasons, including estrangement, loss, geographic separation and more.
For people from refugee and asylum seeker backgrounds, this time of year can be very difficult. When people are forced to leave their homes and seek refugee protection in foreign countries, families often become separated. This long-term separation from loved ones can be a source of deep, enduring pain and loss. People seeking asylum may also experience loneliness and isolation in a new country. It takes time to make friends and connections, and life without these networks and bonds can be very tough emotionally.
If you’re a refugee or asylum seeker and need support, you can check out our page which has programmes and support. You can also check out the Refugee Council UK for support, advice and resources.
Christmas can also be a difficult time of adjustment for many students retuning from university for the holidays. I recently wrote a piece about being back home after the change that comes from being at university. You can check it out here: returning home after being away at university.
More generally Christmas can be a complicated time for many when it comes to dealing with family and friends, at least I know it is for me. Relationships are not always easy at the best of times, and Christmas can add a lot of extra pressure. Often, we can have different expectations from each other and feel let down when these aren’t met and this can be heightened during the holidays, when the ‘ideal’ is for everyone to be having a wonderful time. It might be worth talking through Christmas plans and expectations in advance with loved ones, to reduce the pressure points, or even just lowering expectations all round - one thing we have done in my house for instance is no longer buying gifts for each other, as we found it was creating a lot of unnecessary pressure in the household and instead we focus on the things we enjoy more like the food. Just remember: Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect for us to enjoy it and find meaning in it. We have some top tips for building and maintaining healthy relationships which you can check out.
Last Christmas
In November of this year, I lost a close friend and the realisation I have been having over the past few weeks is that this will be my first Christmas without her. I’ve been dealing with a lot of grief and sorrow but also regret that I didn’t spend more time with her, especially last Christmas. It’s a reality for many of us this holiday season, that this will be our first holidays without a loved one which can have a huge impact on our mental health.
For this year’s Grief Awareness Week our CEO Mark offered his tips for coping with grief at Christmas, following the loss of his brother. Our Brand and Marketing manager wrote about how she makes meaning following the loss of her parents. There are also some general support and advice for those dealing with grief and loss:
Silent night
It’s often said that the holidays are for loved ones, spending time with friends and family, but for a lot of people Christmas can be a lonely time. The pressure to get together and celebrate with others can leave us feeling out of sync and disconnected. But connection doesn’t always mean being surrounded by people. We can find connection in small, meaningful ways: a smile and a friendly hello from a neighbour, chatting online or calling a long-distance friend may be just the amount of social connection you need.
If you are experiencing loneliness, please remember (as cliché as it may sound) that you’re not alone. A lot of experience heightened feelings of loneliness at this time of year. There are advice and tips here:
For those of us who are able to see friends and family over the holiday, while it can be nice, it can also be a lot. I often find myself overwhelmed by all the interactions. Our own individual needs and boundaries matter, and it’s important to honour these and find ways to gently (or firmly!) communicate them.
Underneath the tree
Another huge point of stress and worry for many people this time of year is money. The holidays can be one of the most expensive times of the year and the pressure to spend money and buy presents can feel overwhelming. I have 6 siblings, 2 nieces and a nephew and I want to give them all the world, but the truth is between several months of not working and unexpected payments, I do not have as much money as I would like. It has taken me some time to realise that there is no shame in that. Many of us are feeling the impacts of inflation and the rising cost of living and money does not go nearly as far as it used to. If you are looking for support with money and budgeting this holiday season here are some resources to check out:
Joy to the world
It’s important to remember that no matter how you are feeling this holiday season that your experience is valid. I for one have lacked my typical excitement and passion for Christmas this year and while at first, I felt a sense of guilt about this, I have no come to accept that it’s okay not to be okay even during the most “wonderful” and “joyous” time of the year, it’s okay that life has got you a bit down but it’s important throughout all the thoughts and feelings to look after our mental health and wellbeing. It’s the reason I wrote this blog; acknowledging the difficulties but also providing support.
Among all the busyness, commercial expectations and pressure to enjoy ‘the most wonderful time of the year’, try to remember the simple things that sustain and nurture good mental health: connect with others, get outside when you can and prioritise rest and nourishing food. For more support check out see our best mental tips (backed by research) for more: our best mental health tips.
Happy Holidays to one and all.
Editor's note: I would just like to give a huge thanks and acknowledgement to Pauline Diamond Salim (Senior Content Manager) who helped contribute to the copy and proofread this blog post.