Aaron Campbell
There is saying which goes along the lines of ‘when you leave for university you leave a you-shaped hole and when you return home you find you can’t fit in that same hole anymore’.
While away at university, most of us grow in many ways, from the education you receive to the increased self-reliance, independence, challenges and personal revelations that come from being at university. All of this can leave us feeling like quite a different person from when we left, and as such it is only natural that you may struggle to “fit in” like you used when you return home to visit. Even if you’d been looking forward to returning home, being back in that ‘old’ environment may put a strain on your mental health.
For many students, December marks their first return home since leaving for university. Through this blog, we will explore how to navigate this change and look after our mental health while being home for the holidays.
Before heading home
Before you’ve begun to return home it’s a good idea to consider the feelings you are having about going home, the good, the bad and everything in-between. How you feel about going home may be shaped by your experiences at university; if you’ve enjoyed your time, you might find it tougher to go home, whereas if you’ve had a rougher experience you might be longing for the comfort you know home can bring.
It is a good idea to write out a list of all the reasons you are excited to go home and reasons you might be apprehensive about going home as well as any other thoughts. Once you have written them all out, look at the negative ones and try to consider how likely these are to occur and if there is any way to mitigate them without having to compromise yourself. Be realistic but also kind to yourself and your anxieties.
If there is a specific issue about returning home, it may be helpful to speak to someone about it. This could be a trusted individual like a friend, relative, mental health professional or even speak with those at home about your worries and see if there is a way to help ease them prior to returning home.
You may also decide that you don’t want to go home for any number of reasons. This also understandable and a valid option – if you do decide this, Student Minds has some great tips on staying at university over the winter break.
Understanding change
Being a university student is a unique experience, for most the time spent at university leads to pretty fundamental changes. These could be small things like the new habits you pick up, to much bigger things like a whole new world view or identity, university presents a great opportunity to find yourself when presented with more independence. It’s important to remember that these changes will often be deeply personal as they will be directly tied to your experience. Being mindful of these changes can help you to better communicate how you are feeling when you return home.
But it is also important to note that you are not the only one who’s gone through changes, the people you lived with at home will also have experienced changes while you were away. They have had to adapt to life without you. It’s important to remember this and to be compassionate and considerate to each other as you try to navigate a new dynamic. Things like discussing changes that have occurred since you’ve been away (even if they seem small or insignificant) can help you to navigate anxiety and worries about returning home.
When you are home
When you are home it’s important to take care of yourself as the changes you may be experiencing can have an impact on your mental health. We have some great self-care tips to help maintain your wellbeing.
Boundaries and compromise are also key aspects of adapting the change of being back home and looking after your mental health. Being away from home you will have developed your own routine and ways of doing things, this is natural and normal. It’s important to communicate with people when you are home about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. We have some tips on building and maintaining healthy relationships that can be a useful tool to help navigate about being back home.
Further support
Change and growth are natural parts of life and it’s important as we go through these big changes like spending time at university to look after our mental health. If you feel like you need some additional support here are some resources.
- Student Minds [https://www.studentminds.org.uk/] are the UK’s student mental health charity who can assist with mental health advice and services, support and resources.
- Each university will have a range of support services available for students, these can usually be found on the university's website but also your Student Union, Guild or Student Association may be able to assist you also.
- The NHS [https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/children-and-young-adults/help-for-teenagers-young-adults-and-students/student-mental-health-counselling/] have a page dedicated to counselling for student mental health problems.
- YoungMinds [https://www.youngminds.org.uk/] provide help and advice for people up to the age of 25.
- The Mix [https://www.themix.org.uk/] is a UK-based charity that provides free, confidential support and counselling for young people under 25.
- There are also more resources on our get help page [https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/get-help]