Supporting someone you care about who has depression

An important step to supporting those you care about who experience depression is understanding. You can visit our A-Z page on depression to find out more about the types, causes and symptoms of depression.  

If possible, it is good to understand how depression presents in the person you want to support. Each person living with depression has their own mechanisms for coping. It can be helpful to understand what sort of support works best for them. Each person living with depression has their own mechanisms for coping.  

Respect is also vitally important. Not everyone will want or be ready for your support. This may be for several reasons. For instance, they may already be talking to a professional or might not want to talk about it with you. Whatever you do to support your loved ones must be done so respectfully. Honouring their autonomy and ability to make decisions for themselves. Only support them if they are willing for you to help. If they are not, the best thing you can do is give them space. However, if you feel they are a danger to themselves then seek help immediately. 

Supporting those you care about with depression can take on many different forms. Just making time and being there is one of the best ways you can help. That could mean checking in and having a casual conversation about shared interests or hobbies. Or encouraging them to get out the house. We know that things like being in nature can have a positive impact on our mental health. Maybe suggest going on a walk together or playing a sport.  

It’s important that your support be appropriate and thoughtful for the person you are supporting as well as tailored to their experience. For instance, if they are not particularly sporty, suggesting playing rugby might not be the best idea. An afternoon sitting in a park would probably be better. If you know that a symptom of depression for them is low appetite you might want to offer to cook. You could also do a movie night or maybe suggest you both try some baking and learn to make a new dish.  

Some people living with depression can find everyday tasks overwhelming. Helping with things like laundry can be a great way to offer support. Relieving them of those duties allows them to better focus on taking care of themselves. 

There are so many things you can try, but whatever you do, try to make it feel as natural and normal as possible. It’s good not to think of this specifically as ways to “cheer your loved ones up” as depression often doesn’t work that way. Instead look at like trying to keep life as normal as possible for those who are dealing with depression.  

Remember you are not a professional nor can you “cure” depression. What you can do is help your friends to reduce symptoms and make life feel as regular as possible while dealing with depression.  

Looking after yourself 

Supporting someone who is depressed can be difficult. Being there for a loved one also means recognising when you can’t be. You must take care of yourself as well while supporting those around you. To reiterate: your mental health matters too.  

Good communication with your loved ones is very important. They may say things that are triggering or that upset you. Remember that your needs and opinions should be met and respected too.  

You may feel that you are taking on too much or that you are unable to help your loved one dealing with depression, and that’s okay. If it does become too much, it’s okay to step away and take a break.  

Where appropriate it is a really good idea to suggest to people to get help from a professional. You could still help them by helping to prepare questions for a care provider, book appointments and/or taking them to those appointments. Gaining knowledge to help you guide your loved ones through their depression while also gently encouraging them to seek out professional help does not mean you have failed. Rather, understand that they may need care that you don’t have the tools to provide. 

For more on looking after your own mental health check out our self-care tips and our best mental health tips - backed by research. 

When dealing with depression it’s important you look after yourself, this includes talking with your GP. However, you may also want to help your loved ones if they’re experiencing similar feelings. This can be useful as sharing your own lived experience can be a great source of support for them. They may also be more receptive to positive suggestions for both self-help and external support if it is coming from someone who has been through a similar experience.  

If you are dealing with depression and someone you care about approaches you offering support, it is important that you communicate your boundaries clearly. You may be appreciative that they want to support you but aren’t ready to receive support from friends. Alternatively, you may be getting professional support and may not want any additional help. Whatever the reasons, it’s always ideal to communicate clearly with people. Something as simple as “I’m not ready/comfortable to talk about this currently but thank you for checking in”. It’s good to remember that when your friends are offering support it comes from a place of caring and love. You may not think or feel like you want, need or even are worthy of support, but you are. We all need help from time to time, so try and be open to receiving support from friends and getting professional support. These can both help with the symptoms of depression.