"Men in demanding jobs are told to man up."

“I was once described as the angriest man in the prison service - I was just angry at the world, and I wanted to take my own life. Boxing saved me.”

Robert Edwards has spent nearly two decades working in one of the UK’s toughest professions: the prison service. Over the years, he’s witnessed many traumatic events, including multiple suicides. His first experience came 19 years ago during a night shift, when a prisoner took his own life. It was a moment that would haunt him for years. 

“It's much better in the prison service now but back then there was no mental health support.  We just got on with the job,” Robert says. “I didn’t process what happened. I just buried it.”

Since that night, Robert has been on duty during several more suicides, roughly one every year. The cumulative trauma took its toll, but it wasn’t until 2024 that everything came crashing down. A breakdown at work, a knee injury that stopped him from going to the gym which had always been his emotional outlet, and the breakdown of his marriage pushed him to the edge.

“I had been struggling for years.  I had flashbacks, I couldn’t sleep, but still I didn’t speak to anyone about what was going on. I was in a very dark place and had planned how I was going to take my own life. It was only when I saw a photo of my son on my phone that I stopped myself.”

Robert broke down at work in front of colleagues. His manager was very supportive and encouraged him to see his GP. He was diagnosed with Complex PTSD and prescribed talking therapies and counselling which proved to be life-changing.

“I realised I’d been dealing with everything alone all these years, not just from work but from childhood too. Counselling helped me unpack it all. You have to fully embrace counselling and be open and honest or it won’t work.” 

Then came an unexpected lifeline: Ultra White Collar Boxing (UWCB). Robert’s ex-wife suggested he find something to motivate himself, and he signed up for the eight-week training programme which culminates in an exhibition bout.

“I was feeling low and depressed, stuck in my own bubble.  The boxing training gave me focus, helped my mental health, and let me release years of built-up tension. I made great friends. The whole experience saved my life.”

Stepping into the ring in front of family, friends and colleagues was a turning point. “It takes courage, but it gave me confidence. I’m proud of myself and I’m signing up again next year.”

Robert chose to raise money for the Mental Health Foundation to raise awareness and help other men to speak out if they’re struggling.

“Men in demanding jobs are told to ‘man up’ but that’s wrong. I was the angriest man in the prison service, and I alienated everyone. Now I’m the happiest I’ve been since my 20s and at peace with my life. My perspective on life has changed for the better and I’m investing in myself.

“At work my colleagues have been amazing too.  I confided in people and now have a great support network who check in on me, and I do the same for them.  Before I would always have said ‘I’m fine’ whenever anyone asked how I was but now I feel comfortable being honest.  If I’m having a bad day I can say so and let people know if I need space or want to talk about it.

“A colleague of mine said to me recently that he noticed how well I’ve been looking, smiling more and much happier.  When I think back to the dark place I was in, I know I’ve come so far.  I want anyone who is struggling to know that it can and does get better if you ask for help.”