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When someone we care about is having a difficult time, it’s often our instinct to try and make things better. We might offer advice, look for solutions or search for the right words to say. But sometimes, what someone needs most is simply to be heard.
Being a good listener can make a big difference when supporting someone through a challenging time. Giving them your attention, taking an interest in what they’re saying and allowing them space to talk can help them feel heard and understood.
Learn about active listening, how it affects mental health, and how we can become better listeners.
What is active listening?
Active listening means taking a genuine interest in what someone is saying and trying to understand how they’re feeling. It involves listening without judgement, rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak.1
Some active listening skills include:2
- Minimising distractions, such as putting away your phone.
- Asking relevant questions to clarify or better understand what someone’s saying.
- Giving the other person time to talk without interrupting.
- Showing you’re engaged through your body language, such as facing them or nodding, if this feels comfortable.
Body language looks different for everyone, though. For example, eye contact isn’t always comfortable or easy. What matters most is that you’re genuinely paying attention.
Why is listening important for mental health?
Think about the last time you had something on your mind and someone took the time to really listen. Perhaps they didn’t have any advice to offer, but you came away feeling a little lighter, or less alone with whatever was troubling you.
Being listened to can help us feel valued, understood, and connected to others.3 This can be particularly important when we’re having challenges with our mental health, as talking about difficult feelings isn’t always easy.4
When someone listens to us with empathy, particularly when we’re distressed, it can help us feel calmer and reassured. Difficult conversations may feel a little safer, even if the person listening can’t solve the problem.
Listening can benefit the person offering support, too. Taking the time to understand someone else’s experiences helps us develop empathy and see things from a different perspective. We might learn something about what they’re going through that we hadn’t considered before or become more aware of how differently people can experience the same situation.
How to be a good listener
Good listening isn’t about finding the perfect response. It’s about helping the other person feel seen and understood. No judgement or fixing required.
Here are some practical ways to strengthen your listening skills:
- Be present: Try to give the conversation your attention, rather than thinking about what you’re going to say next.
- Let them set the pace: Don’t rush the conversation or push them for information they’re not ready to share. Talking can take trust and courage, and you might be the first person they’ve felt able to speak to. Be patient and let them share as much or as little as they want.
- Ask relevant questions: If you’re unsure what someone means, gently ask them to explain. Questions such as ‘What happened next?’ or ‘How did that make you feel?’ can help you understand their experience without taking over the conversation.
- Check you’ve understood: Repeat back what you’ve heard to check your understanding and help prevent misunderstandings.
- Resist the urge to ‘fix’ things: Sometimes, acknowledging what someone’s going through may be more helpful than telling them what they ‘should’ do. If they’ve had a rough day after getting stuck in traffic and arriving late to work, they probably don’t need to hear which route they should have taken instead. They might just want someone to recognise how it felt.
How to listen to someone with mental health problems
Listening can be an important way of supporting someone's mental health. And you don’t need special training to listen to them.
If you’re worried about saying the ‘wrong thing’, you’re not alone. But it doesn’t mean you need to avoid talking about mental health.
When it comes to listening to someone with mental health difficulties, a few simple things can help:
Stay calm and avoid judgement
You can’t predict how a conversation will go or what someone might say. Try to stay calm, even if they share something that you find difficult to hear.
Don’t make assumptions
You don’t have to relate to everything someone tells you to take their feelings seriously. Even if you’ve experienced something similar, try to understand what their experience means to them, rather than comparing it against your own.
Ask what would feel helpful
Rather than assuming what would help, ask them. They may have an answer, like a cup of tea, a hug or to simply not be alone for a while. Or, they might not know what they need, and that’s okay, too.
Gently support them to seek further help
If appropriate, you could help them find further support, such as a mental health helpline or booking an appointment with their GP.
Remember that you don’t have to have all the answers
Supporting someone through mental health difficulties can sometimes feel like a big responsibility. But being a good listener doesn’t mean you have to become someone’s therapist or take responsibility for their mental health. You can care, listen and help someone find support when they need it.
It’s also important to recognise your own limits and look after your wellbeing. Supporting a friend through mental health issues may feel overwhelming, particularly if you start to feel responsible for them. Remember to make time for things that support your own mental health, too.
It might also help to set boundaries around the support you can give. This doesn’t mean you’re rejecting someone; it means you’re being realistic about what you can and can’t do.
Sometimes, simply being there is enough
We often put pressure on ourselves to know exactly what to say when someone is having a difficult time. But supporting their mental health doesn’t mean you have to have all the answers. Giving them your attention, letting them talk and showing you’ve genuinely heard them can be enough.
- Cohn, K. H. (2007). Developing effective communication skills. Journal of Oncology Practice, 3(6), 314–317. https://doi.org/10.1200/JOP.0766501
- Cuncic, A. (2026, April 14). 7 Active listening techniques for better communication. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-active-listening-3024343
- Murray, K. (2025, November 14). Active listening. British Heart Foundation. https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/how-to-talk-about-health-problems/active-listening
- Hoffman, E. (2017, September 27). The quiet power of empathic listening. Mental Health First Aid. https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2017/07/quiet-power-listening/
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