Content warning: this story includes mentions of suicide. Please read with care. There are details of where to get help at the bottom of this page.
When Ben lost his mum to suicide 2021, he was determined to honour her memory and raise awareness of the importance of preventing poor mental health. With the help of his friends and family, he found a way through the most difficult of times.
"At the start, it was relatively easy to talk about what had happened. Despite the shocking nature of it all, it was all that was really on my mind and so I didn't mind talk about it openly. I think that my openness and the fact that mum's suicide was widely known about within my friendship groups actually made it easier for me to bring it up when I wanted to.
"I would say that as time moved on though, naturally, friends moved on with their lives (as they should) and my mum's death was no longer "news". That's when on occasions it was harder for me to talk about what had happened, it felt more like I was bringing it up out of nowhere compared to before and I appreciate it's not exactly the cheeriest conversation.
"However, I have been extremely lucky to have had such great friends and have always been met with great support when I have decided to talk about it.
"My friends and family have been incredibly important to me during this time. I feel very blessed to have received so much love and support. They have been critical in getting me through some really tough times.
"Generally, I have always been a very happy person on the outside but there definitely have been many times after mum took her life that the external perception does not match the internal reality and my friends and family really helped me to talk through and deal with my emotions.
"It's tricky to know what would have happened if had bottled up my emotions and not spoken about it (luckily, we'll never know!).
"I'm the oldest of three siblings and I was in my second year of university at the time while the rest of my family were together at home. While I would speak regularly with my family, I felt I had a very different grieving experience to the rest of them and so I relied heavily on my friends as well. Had I not talked out the way I was feeling with them and made phone calls back home, I can only imagine I would have felt very isolated and alone in my grief.
"It's nearly been five years since mum's suicide and there are still times where I feel very low, but I find ensuring that I find the time to talk about it when I need to is incredibly important for my mental wellbeing."
Raising awareness and funds to prevent other families from suffering
Following the loss of his mum, Ben and two of his close friends challenged themselves to complete a 120km walk in 40 hours.
The walk began at Ben's childhood home and ended at one of his mum's favourite venues in London. Walking in honour of Ben's mum, the three friends raised funds for our work to prevent poor mental health and raised awareness of the mental health struggles so many people face.
If you are feeling like ending your life or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please call 999 or go to A&E and ask for the contact of the nearest crisis resolution team. These are teams of mental health care professionals who work with people in severe distress. If you feel affected by the content you have read, please see our get help page for support.
Free helplines
- Samaritans offer a support service 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call them free on 116 123. You can also email jo@samaritans.org Samaritans also have practical tips on dealing with suicidal feelings.
- CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) has a helpline (5 pm to midnight) and webchat for anyone who’s having a tough time and needs to talk.
- Papyrus supports people under 35 who have thoughts of suicide and others who are concerned about them. You can call their HOPELINE247 on 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967 or email pat@papyrus-uk.org . They’re open 24 hours a day.
- Mind has information on supporting someone who feels suicidal.