Living with Emotional Dysregulation: what is it, and how do I cope?
Living with emotional dysregulation disorder (also known as borderline personality disorder) can be super stressful at times, and lately I’ve found it incredibly hard to deal with my emotions.
My recent diagnosis
I was recently diagnosed and I’m currently in the process of accessing support. I’ve been feeling super low since December of last year, and it’s been taking a while to get the right treatment. While I’ve been waiting, I’ve been looking at coping mechanisms to help me overcome my relapses.
The medication I take makes me extremely tired, but it does help me keep my anxiety and suicidal thoughts at bay.
Understanding how I feel
Understanding how I feel sometimes makes the situation much worse. I could be sitting at home on my phone and an issue arises between friends and when an event like that occurs my emotions can change dramatically.
A symptom of this can be perceiving a situation to be worse than it is. I find whenever a situation occurs I can either feel very suicidal, low, anxious or angry.
Emotional dysregulation disorder to me feels as if my emotions are stuck on a chart and won’t come down unless I use my coping mechanisms to help.
Examples of situations that can impact me
I want to talk more about my emotions, I want to give some examples of situations that may make me frustrated, angry or suicidal.
I sometimes have problems with money, I am currently in the process of getting assessed by universal credit to see if I am fit or unfit for work. Now, when I check my bank account and I see my bank is looking very dry that makes me feel incredibly sad and that makes me feel upset. I can then feel sorry for myself and it takes me a while to get out of these feelings.
I find eating helps whenever I am feeling stressed, upset or angry. I’ve always been someone who eats to help suppress my emotions or to help make me feel good about myself.
However, eating food can then open a new can of worms, because I’ll look in the mirror and see that I’ve gained a lot of weight, and that would make me feel worthless.
I’m not quite sure If paranoia links with emotional dysregulation disorder. However, I’ve found that I get paranoid about people disliking me for no reason, this might even be friends or family.
No matter how many times someone tells me they don’t dislike me I still have a feeling that they’re lying, and they put up with me anyway.
Paranoia unhealthily controls my life sometimes, it makes me worry constantly about different situations. In the past, I’ve been paranoid about work colleagues slyly talking about me behind my back, in that situation it made me drink excessively. I got rid of that negativity and quit that job.
I’m not sure how I could have avoided these feelings, but maybe when I access support, I can investigate paranoia and how I can solve it.
Examples of things that can help me
I’ve found it easy to recover from emotions by listening to K-POP, maybe you should find your favorite music, it might help your emotions.
I found getting rid of negativity in my life has helped with my emotions. Getting rid of negativity may help your emotions too. Maybe it’s a friend or a situation that isn’t helping with your emotions?
Remember, your mental health matters.
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