Losing my daughter to suicide

Trigger warning: this story discusses suicide

I lost my beloved daughter Molly to suicide in June 2015. She was just 19 years old. 

She said "I'm fine" to me before she died, and I say it now, all the time, even though inside I'm in turmoil and despair from the loss of my beautiful daughter.

Molly was a beautiful and talented girl with a great deal to look forward to in life. She did, however, sink into a rapid and deep depression after breaking up with her boyfriend, whom she adored. 

While we knew she was unhappy we had no idea she was suicidal. She would always say to me "I'm fine dad," when I told her I was worried about her.

The photo above was taken of Molly and me, just 10 days before she died, we all went on a family trip to Cornwall. We all thought we were helping her through her problems, and she looks so happy here. Unfortunately she needed more than her family were able to give her, she needed professional help.

She didn't get the help she needed from the NHS. She was assessed. But they did nothing. 

After she died I started running, I find that running for her keeps me going and gives me the motivation to carry on, when I run I feel like she is with me. I ran the London Marathon for the Mental Health Foundation because I want to raise money and awareness to stop this happening to anyone else's little girl.

Losing Molly devastated me and our whole family, we miss Molly every day, inside we're all in despair for the loss of this incredible young woman who had so much potential. And yet, every day, I just say ‘I’m fine’ when anybody asks, and really it couldn’t be further from the truth.

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Do you need help? If your mental or emotional state quickly gets worse, or you're worried about someone you know, help is available. You're not alone - talk to someone you trust. Sharing a problem is often the first step to recovery. If you need to talk to someone about your mental health you can call Samaritans for free, 24 hours a day, on 116 123.