The diary of a sleepless night
I have real trouble with sleep, so much so that not sleeping has become a constant in my life.
I'm working out ways to move away from 'one good nights sleep, one terrible nights sleep, one good nights sleep, one terrible nights sleep' to a more consistent and regular nights sleep.
I've written a diary about what it's like to be me when sleep doesn't arrive ...
First moment of consciousness in the morning
- I'm awake
- It’s morning
- I can feel the warmth of the mattress cocooning me, the softness of the pillow and duvet over my face
- The light is creeping in around the edge of sheet
- I can hear birds singing announcing the day and the traffic starting to get busy
What happened through the night?
"Eventually... I remember... I got to sleep okay"
- I woke up just after 1am
- I stayed awake until 5am
- I finally fell back into deep sleep, exhausted
- Dragged out of deep sleep with urgent alarm at 6.30am.
- Another day with only three and a half hours sleep
- It’s going to be a long one
How my body and mind feel
"I feel exhausted, it’s been an exhausting night … and all I’ve done is ‘sleep’"
- Thick brain fog
- Tired gritty eyes
- Sore joints
- Body aches
- Body ways a ton
- Walking is tiring
- The gym is beyond hard
- And I can’t drive today
"Just got to get through the next 15 or so hours, it’s going to be a long day and I must stay awake all day"
- Mood is flat
- No energy
- No enthusiasm
- Few decision-making powers
- No creativity
- Struggle to recall, or remember.
- No focus or little attention to detail on something
- Mind all over the place - darting about
- Feel unproductive and uncreative. Stupid.
- Everything’s a huge effort.
The sleepless 'quick fixes' i'm tempted to do
"Discipline is hard with diminished willpower , it’s easy to reach for a fast fix :-("
- Must not sleep or nap, must stay upright until tonight
- Need to not go for the sugars the caffeines and fast fixes
- I know they'll each cause a crash and a trough and an extra hill to climb.. must think longer term
Feeling the pressure of getting a good nights sleep
- Must get to bed at 10pm
- Need to start again
- Must create a better night... and then a better day
Thoughts before bed
- Why am I so awake at 10pm?
- Wish I was this awake at 8am.
- Must get to sleep
Tips that help me
A Mindset that helps
- Be kind and know that it takes baby steps
- Remember you can keep going when sleeplessness overwhelms you
- List three things you are grateful for
- Tune in with your feelings - note how do you feel
- Tune in with the impact - how does it affect you
- Remember what works and doesn't work for you
- Think about what you can do differently
- And remember the difference this makes
Behaviour that helps
- Get fresh air, have a walk early in the morning to kickstart the day.
- No caffeine after noon.
- No alcohol, zero, zilch, nothing at all at any time of day
- Eat bananas and magnesium etc
Good sleep hygiene
- Write and empty head of worries and to do lists
- No screen time before bed
- Have a warm bath
- Read and listen smooth music.
- Make sure the room is cool and dark